Saturday, March 15, 2014

Oh Poor Poor Me

I really struggled with motivation yesterday, and it feels the same way today.  It didn't help that, confession time, I ate the last piece of caramel mudcake yesterday and I had a (much needed) sleep in yesterday so I didn't get on the treadmill either. 

This generally blah feeling carried on until dinner time and instead of sticking to my usual high vegetable intake, I just couldn't be bothered.  So I ate chicken nuggets and dinosaur chicken things for dinner. 

So now this morning I've woken up still feeling blah.  So blah that I wasn't going to put this in a post.  I feel sluggish and tired.  Our two year old was awake at 3.40am this morning.  I've managed to get him back to sleep but it's a tough gig getting up that early. 

I think that the blah feeling is because I'm feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment.  We are having a birthday party for the kids (they turned 2 and 4 this week) and we have gone a little overboard with the invitations.  There are 21 adults and 15 children expected to attend and that makes my feel very stressed!  I'm worried about the food, whether there will be enough, whether anyone will actually eat.  I'm worried about the birthday cakes.  Our 4 year old wants a ballerina cake and I'm no Martha Stewart.  I was more thinking about a chocolate fudge cake covered in smarties. 

Then there is the getting ready for the party.  The house needs a good clean today and I need to work out what I need to buy from the supermarket.  Plus our daughter has two dance classes this morning that I'm probably not going to be able to watch. 

It's funny isn't it, how your brain makes things into something bigger than they are.  That I act like I'm the one that has to shoulder the whole burden of this birthday party.  When in reality, that's not true.  My husband (bless him) has done so much this week already to get ready for it and my mother-in-law will be coming over today to help as well.  So why do I feel like it is all on me?  Is that because I'm looking for attention, I'm wanting to play the victim?  Is that what I do? 

Is it because I'm lazy and would rather groan and moan about everything there is to be done?  Is this a case of the 'oh poor me' bs.  Now I'm feeling frustrated with myself for not just getting in and getting started.  Instead, I want to make up excuses as to why I'm feeling this way. 

Or am I in a perpetually bad mood? 

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