Awake at 2am

My son woke me up and I can't get back to sleep yet. My mind is too active. 

I read stories about how other people have lost weight and they always talk about what they did, like change their eating and exercise but they never really talk about what they felt and the struggles that they went through to lose the weight. 

For me it seems to be a constant struggle. I sometimes wonder if I am capable of doing this. Do I really have what it takes to lose weight?  

I really need to look at weight loss as an hour by hour focus. So when self sabotage occurs (and let's be realistic, it will occur at some point) it's a case of getting back in track in the next hour. 

Not in two weeks time. Or on a Sunday  to 'restart'. No it's about accountability then and there. 

I really need to get some sleep so that I don't use this as an excuse to not exercise at 5am which is only three hours away. Gulp. 

New year, new beginnings

I've been done this road many times before. I can't how many times I've told myself that things will be different. And, like these countless times, today I seek change. The most obvious, outward change is my physical appearance, my weight. 

But that's only part of the change needed. And I guess that's what scares me. How can I make other changes in my life if I haven't been able to change my weight?

I don't have the answer but I am going to look for it, in myself. One thing is for sure. My life has to be focussed on the positives. 

To pull out a much used cliche, this is a journey. There are no quick fixes. Sometimes it will be hard. Sometimes I will feel like I'm failing. And sometimes I will be. It's about harnessing the strength inside and believing that I can change. It's about the actions that I take and the behaviours that I demonstrate consistently. 

Today is day 1. 

Today is about eating well and listening to my body and to stop eating when I'm satisfied and not full. 

It's about love and showing love to my family around me who shouldn't have to deal with the fallout of my mood swings. 

It's about me too. I am important. 

Here is today's breakfast - rolled oats, homemade yoghurt, fresh nectarines (it's summer here!) and chopped almonds. 

And today for the first time in more than six months I stopped listening to the excuses and I got on that treadmill and started the couch to 5km (c25k) challenge. 

The I did a few yoga poses because Thai body of mine has never been flexible. My goal is to be able to touch my toes without having to bend my legs #startsmall

Here is my yoga pose with the legs against the wall. 

I feel good.